ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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