Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
