i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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