Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I want to be your penis for a week.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
