i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
