it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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