I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
