the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
