She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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