i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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