Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
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