we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
