at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize