FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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