Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Randomize
