i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize