A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
