I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
