dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
