This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
