Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize
