ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
