he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
