i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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