she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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