i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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