I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
my poor anus
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
