I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
