I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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