Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
