WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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