y did u give ur computer a hand job?
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Randomize
