What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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