I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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