i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
