Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Randomize
