I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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