So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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