You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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