In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
