Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Randomize
