im about as happy as oj after his trial
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Also, beer. Big fan.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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