dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
he thought i was a dude.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
