Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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