I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
