Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
