the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
