Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
