We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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