I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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