I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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