haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize