How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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