You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
