I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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