Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
