I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
His hands were made for my vagina.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
