wanna go halves on a baby?
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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