I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
