Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
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