I'm so fucking centered right now
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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