Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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