Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
