If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
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