Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize