I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
