Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
