You kept calling me your small dog last night.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize