The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
