It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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