Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Randomize
