I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize