Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
