yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
