We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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