Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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