i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
