Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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