Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
