you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
