Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
