i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
