i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Can I color on your dick again?
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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