She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
