he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
