I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize