There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
My bed is full of blood and feathers
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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