I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
