singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
