My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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