He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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