On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize