so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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