Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
