then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Princesses don't give blow jobs
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
