did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
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