Swine flu. Run for my life!
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
