OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
