Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
